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| I really appreciate you caring.
Thanks so much for sacrificing your time and what you want for me.
I thought you at least loved me a little. thanks. | | |
| In the autumn on the ground,
between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
It's a season babe. I think of the moments in everyday and I wish I, it was with you. I wish I could write of all the poetic moment I desire you to be there for. The winds are changing. . . spring comes, then summer. We're so close.
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well
I can wait to walk it well with you. I really look forward to doing it right. Give you time, give you space, when we happen dreams bloom.
I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting
Thoughts on holding back the darkest night: it's my job to do that for you. I love you. Love is waiting.
It's my caution not the cold
there's no other hand that i would rather hold
the climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you
Reminds me of you . . .
don't keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer now that you're my man
Just giggle here. . . :)
I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
Forever. Forever with you. <3
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart.
Let's take it slow :) | | |
| Sometimes I feel like this epic failure. Especially when it comes to Adam.
I seem to never get it right with him.
When to leave him alone - when to bug the smack out of him.
What to do - what not to do.
It's his birthday on the twenty-ninth. He's turning twenty-one.
I am so excited.
I really have a love of celebrating those closest to me. Birthdays are perfect occasions to do so because then you don't look so weird because everyone else is doing it too!!
A little over a month ago I decided for his birthday I would make him a meal each day up to his birthday.
But then I realized that this week was less full than next week so I just decided to do it a week before his birthday.
Unhappily however, this presents a problem.
The problem of appearance.
This is the biggest issue I have with my dear friend, Adam. I try so hard to guard against it.
So I thought I would kill two birds with the same stone. It makes life easier and it also slaps appearance in the face, right?
Not really.
Unassumingly I thought it would make it better if I cooked with Adam's meals a meal for each of the dorm guys.
I guess that doesn't shatter the appearance as much as I had presumed.
Sadly now I have a load of food ready for Adam but no one to give it to except the dorm guys.
I wouldn't be so upset except for the fact that I put so much effort into it. I was REALLY looking forward to blessing Adam and the dorm guys.
I feel like I should've been smarter in the "appearance" allusion.
should've's don't do anything though and you can't change the past.
I really should get over it, but in essence, I just feel sadly depressed.
God, would you just allow me to realize that it's okay if I fall down? Maybe I should stop making such a deal about what's not a big deal.
From the honest stand point: It feels like a big deal because I keep doing things like this. I'm trying so hard to stop and yet I keep repeating it.
Even if I never conquer this - at least I will know I loved purely with no holding back. No matter how much drama this may cause me, I have a gift to love people with no conditions. If I can't perfect it, oh well. I'll just have to get over it, keep trying and realize if I fail forever - God still loves me. | | |
| I think a lot of times people miss out on who I am completely. I feel like I speak Chinese to a lot of people.
Here's the thing. I love people.
Great thing, can be bad though. Especially because I love guys the same way I love girls.
Often I find myself getting yelled at and getting in trouble for silly little things I do.
I want to conquer this in my life through the grace of God. I can't do it without Him and without His grace.
I just need to remember that even if I never conquer it, it's okay because I am God's beautiful daughter.
NOW. You all should know me and know that grace is no excuse to sin. THATS NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.
But you should also know that I CONSTANTLY beat myself up over stuff. I think if leaders knew this things would be said to me differently.
Jenn always knew how to talk to me. Lala too.
They would give me the bad and good at once. It's not like I am not trying or like I want to only hear the good and not the bad - I need to be called out - but usually I know where I suck I just can't seem to fix it. Then for you to schpeel about how much I do suck kind of makes me freak more.
I'm working on knowing God loves me no matter what.
I wish someone understood me :)
Good thing I gots Jesus! :) | | |
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